Chapter Seven: Today

Today I'm just so out of control. I'm really lost. I don't know what to do. I'm so freaked up. I wish I was dead. I wish a lot of things.... I wish I could turn back time. I wish I'd be invisible. I wished I'd be torn apart. I wish I was in cold grave^^^ But this flesh is breathing, not anyone's fault, so as I sit here infront of my PC, listening to Emenem's "Love the way you lie" Part-2, I can't help but listen with a wailing heart... This song is made for me... And I'm under it's spell^^^

On the first page of our story, the future seems so bright.
And this thing turned out so evil, I don’t know why I’m still surprised.
Even angels have their wicked schemes and you take death to new extremes.
But you’ll always be my hero, even though you lost your mind.

What am I doing in this world? I don't know. I don't know anything. All I know is that I just can't go on this way. I'm too hurt.... can't you see me... can't you see the tears... How can you not see... How can you not see I'm dying^^^ I'm dying... I am...

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn,
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry,
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie.

It's so hard that we have to move on no matter what. Why is this life so harsh... Or why am I so harsh? Why am I like this... all I want is to be normal... and be happy.... Just the way I am... All I have is this f@$kin song to soothe me... I hate it when it hurts.... I love it when it hurts.... confused %#@$@#%$^%$

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn,
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts.
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry,
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie.
Ohhh, I love the way you lie.

So where do I go from here? How am I suppose to survive? I'm all alone... I'm so alone... scared and frightened^^ so lost^ and I know it's all my fault^

Chapter Six: May Flower

Life is hard when you wake up every morning wishing that you could sleep a few extra hours or more. But we have to move on, so long as the soul within us breaths, we are compelled to move on. So, life is all about waking up from your dreams and board the bus, come back home and sleep. That's the cycle of life. Atleast for me (during my Tanhril days).

Out of this busy cycle, there is yet one thing that pleases me, this one thing puts a smile amidst my burdened thoughts, it helps to shut down my troubles and be happy, even for a second, and that's the breathtaking May flower and its unfortunate that we Mizo's called it the April Par, but whatever it is, the name is not where the beauties lies, but it is actually the sight of it that won my heart all over again and again. I'm in love with the May flower :) But I really wish you all that you would not consider me as a lover of flowers because I'm not. I don't like flowers, I would like to even use the word 'hate' but that would be too much. My point is, when we board the bus, sit there for half an hour or more and then you drove past this May Flower, and suddenly you got lifted by the sight, everything becomes pleasant, it's like actually meeting the shooting star, you felt assured and happy.... Gawd!! I love the May Flower, I wish the May Flower was you!!

(Written while in class on 25th May 2010, inspired by the May Flower while boarding the bus ride from Aizawl to MZU campus)

Chapter Five: Crooning Meltdown

Let it be known to the world that I, under all circumstances, cannot tune melodiously, still I manage to engage myself with stage performance in the genre of singing... that's totally weird. As much weird the fact is, what i would like to stress on is not the singing, or the tuning or whatever the like... the thing is, I cannot help but mention the Gift of Frienship that plays among us. We are a group of intellects of different age-group, personality and ideals and yet we manage to embrace one another with warm comradeship. We all found one another from KTP annual group competition, since then, coming home together and chit chat over a cup of tea and our favourite Wai-Wai noodles became our all time favourite.

It's always good to live the present and appreciate the people around you. Ronan Keating once sang, "tell that someone that you love, just what your thinking of if tomorrow never comes." Likewise, I am truly glad for having met such wonderful friends... everyday they give me a reason to smile. We smile, we chat, we eat, we laugh and we sing together. Life is truly beautiful with them.

Our group is unique, not that we sing extra-ordinarily, we love to be together. Our performance took place on the night of 2010, 15th November at Khatla Presbyterian Church on KTP Nite. It was a wow performance, wow not because the singing was wow, wow because the singers were us :) The song was a Christmas song, with bells chiming on the track, the pace was slow, cool and sentimental. It was a memorable moment. The night would be best described in the words of my mother, "Chu, in han nalh thlawn a ni maw?" :)


Well, tonight I'm really short of words and I don't really have much to say... nevertheless I would like to share you all that i am really x3 happy to be acquinted with you all, you whom you see in the pictures. Thank you God for giving me friends to rely on when i needed the most. I pray for you all... Dear friends.... And with this I conclude this scribbling.... Looking forward to what the future holds for us... obviously not in the singing part, but the friendship.... let it's crooning score a meltdown.... We Rock!!!!

Ka aw neihchhun hi tlawm mahse,
Pawm la kan fak che Lalpa,
Ranintlawm kan thinlung ni se
Khawngaihin lo piang ve la.

Kan nghahfak Lalber te Lalber,
Khawvel ramtina Lalber,
Hnamtin hian i Lalzia hria se
Isu an fak seng lawng che.

Chapter Four: Kamranga

A team of twenty four members of KTP Khatla went to Kamranga, Pailapul Pastor Bial, Barak Area for work camp from 4th to 8th November 2010. We set sail early in the morning at 7am by bus, departed by a prayer we began the long dusty journey. We had a well eaten breakfast at Lungdai, stopped two times for tyre problems, had lunch at Vairengte and reached Silchar Mission Compound around 4pm. There, our dearest missionary Pu Daniel greeted us, we had dinner at Pailapul near Pastor Hmuna's Quater, reached our destinated venue Kamranga at 7pm the same evening. We soon settled in, and after a quick washing and unpacking we gathered for a mass prayer and departed to our own cozy pillows. The night was beautiful, the stars were enormous in that side of Kamranga.

The second day, 5th November was utilized from early morning, cutting bamboos, slicing them into "phelsep." Everyone was involved, it was a sweating start. Well, the main purpose of this work camp was to fence the Mission compound of Kamranga. It was quite a lengthy compound and to fence it would require huge efforts. The project was challenging since our team were young, besides we never worked such kind back in Aizawl, we didn't even know what "phelsep" was, or what "zawngdaikal" meant. Still, we were dedicated young deligates, we knew why we were there, we learned, worked and it was evidently progressed. We had breakfast around 10am, worked the whole day, boys working at the fencing border, girls making "phelsep," we had dinner around 7pm. The tiring day was concluded with a mass prayer. We slept the cold night of Kamranga around 10:30pm. The next day commenced like the previous, nothing knew except that we seem to be mastered somehow. Everything went smooth and clam until we ran short of bamboos. We left work a little early that evening.

The fourth day, 7th November was Sunday. We had morning devotion at Kamranga Church. We had brakfast, dressed ourselves into our Sunday clothes and attend the 10am Church Service, the Noon Service soon commenced after a 15mins break. We had tea around 1:30pm, then we rushed towards Borbil, a famous Pavalai place of fourteen church members. On the way we stopped at Bengali Church. Borbil is a nice place, small but warm. The singing was awesome, the church members were friendly... i would most probably visit again someday. That night we had a gathering around the camp fire, sharing and listening words from our team leaders and our devoted missionary. We slept around 11:30pm, the time when the boys were still to be heard singing and laughing about.

8th November was the day we depart our precious stay at Kamranga. We left early in the moning at 5am. The ride went well and we had dinner at Vairengte, lunch at Lungdai and safely arrived Aizawl at 3pm. A prayer of gratitude was offered by our leader. We were received by our KTP leaders and a few dedicated parents with tea and cakes.

My experience at Kamranga was rich and memorable. I never worked so hard for long hours in my life. The place gave me the Gift of Work. The church people were friendly, although we could not speak the same language, i see in them love and companionship. It was the Gift of Friendship. I see in the family of our missionary how important it was to love, to share. I see in them The Gift of Love. All in all, i have leanred so many things from this trip, my personal faith has been renewed, touched and challenged. God has done us great things, we just need to open our hearts and let God lead our paths. Life is indeed a Gift of God.

Chapter Three: Jumping with Mizkuzy Familya

It was on the 3rd of November 2010 that we set ahead for a picnic at Selesih, a place not far away from Aizawl. It was a remote place, with pools and stuffs. We all had a great time... I had a great time :)

Like always, i was among the first to jump into the water but after few strokes and swings i called it my day, went out and head for the kitchen. This was so unlikely however i turned out to be a great cook too, for the dinner that followed was awesome. After all was done in the kitchen there was nothing more to do, and that was when we decided to climb the roof. Yup, a crazy idea but it was so worth it.

After a few clicking and fooling around we decided to take new dare... Yup!!! thats when the jumping began!! I so loved the pics that we took that day... some of it were too cool that my sister even mistake it for fake... ha2 One of my cousin commented why i'm always the one girl acting crazy in our pics... well, i guess im the only girl adventurous enough to climb roofs, jump and land hardly, hurting your feet and joints... ha2 but let me tell you... it's all freaking worth it^^^ I love it when i am like this :) Elbert Hubard said, "your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you." YaY!! Im officially saved :)

Anyway, i always had a great time when i'm with my friends. I love my friends so dearly and i never want to miss any of the opportunity going out with them. When i'm with them, all worries fade away... and one cannot help but keep laughing at our clumsy acts and jokes.

Thanks Mizkuzy Familya!!!!

Days seem shortened when one have so much fun, so was that day. We had to rush home a little early that evening because our presence was compulsory at church. We reached home around 5pm and with that ended yet another memorable day.

"But friendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sunshine. "
- Thomas Jefferson